Working with resistance: changing habits and neural pathways
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Waking up early in the morning, I used to roll over, and for 5 seconds, I’d think about how I should just get up and go do my meditation. But after those 5 seconds, I’d grab my cellphone off the night stand and start checking my notifications. I’d scroll through emails, texts, social media, news, and so on until I realized 30 minutes had gone by and I needed to get up and start the day. I’d make the coffee and the dog’s breakfast, put away the dishes, and have just enough time to do a quick journal entry, but the meditation would have to wait until after I’d walked the dog. I’d get to it later...
You know how this story goes. Once the day got started and I was in the swing of things, the time for my meditation was always “later.” And then suddenly the day was over, and I’d sit down and reflect on what happened. Sure, it had been stressful, and yes, I knew that starting my day with even a short meditation usually gave me more bandwidth and perspective, but for some reason, every morning when the time came, I resisted it and let myself get distracted by other things.
Is this story familiar? I should think so. I can’t tell you how many people tell me they keep meaning to make that one thing a regular practice in their day, because they know it helps, they know they’ll feel better, but something keeps getting in the way. Maybe it’s yoga, an afternoon walk, a gratitude journal, making time for a creative hobby, or taking a mindful tea break outside to break up the afternoon with a moment of self-care. Sometimes, it really is life getting in the way. But more often than not, when we get right down to it, there’s something inside of us that is resistant to doing the thing.
If we’ve set a goal to make that thing a regular part of our routine, in the first few days or weeks we usually feel fired up and ready to take action, full of motivation, so it may come easily. At some point down the line, the initial spark of motivation sputters out, and the old patterns pop back up. This is our neurobiology doing what it does best - falling back on our strongest neural pathways that have been built over years of engaging in these old behaviors (like, automatically checking your cellphone as soon as you wake up). The new, budding neural pathways that started forming with your new habit will quickly get pruned away, as the old habits reassert themselves in with comforting ease. This is the challenge with building new habits. It takes a lot of repetition before those new pathways become strong enough to become automatic, and the more we slide back into the old patterns, the more likely those new pathways will get pruned back until we have to start building them all over again.
So when a little bit (or a lot) of resistance shows up early in the process, rather than ignoring it or using our willpower to shove it down, this is the time to pay attention and work with it. Why? Experience and studies show that the more we try to control, avoid, or repress our feelings or emotions, the more likely they are to grow in strength. On top of that, emotion repression is linked to all kinds of harmful physiological impacts such as high blood pressure, headache, fatigue, digestive distress, and multiple autoimmune and chronic pain disorders. In short, it’s an ineffective tactic with multiple harmful downstream impacts.
Okay, so if we shouldn’t try to push past the resistance, what can we do instead? Try these steps:
Remind yourself why this matters to you. Revisit your wellness vision and remind yourself how this new habit or goal aligns with your core values and longterm vision for health and well-being
Acknowledge and accept the feeling. This is the opposite of repression, and it doesn’t require you to give in to the resistance. If it’s comfortable, close your eyes and imagine yourself sitting next to the feeling as you acknowledge its presence and allow it to sit with you without trying to change it.
Check in and ask what’s needed. Yes, that resistance has something it wants you to know, and the only way to find out what it is, is to ask. “What would you like me to know, and what do you need now?” See what comes up. Sometimes this will be at odds with your intended action or habit, but often simple acknowledgement is enough to relax the resistance.
Decide what you will do next. This is where you can get creative. What can you do to take care of the inner resistor and the needs it expressed while also honoring your need to care for your health and well-being? There’s almost always a way to do both.
Once you’ve gone through this process a couple of times, you’ll become familiar with the early signs of resistance, and can quickly check-in with what’s needed so that it doesn’t feel like a constant battle of wills. Pay attention to how the feeling of resistance shifts as you go through this practice. Does the strength or frequency change? In what ways? Are there patterns that show up? Are you able to identify small tweaks to your habits that prevent or lessen the feeling of resistance?
Try this process out and take time to reflect on what you notice. Feel free to share with me what comes up for you and how you adapt this process to work even more effectively in your life!
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